Hello BeauTies, I have always loved art from an early age. Taking photographs and drawing or painting. I have designed two wedding dresses for friends who got them made up. I've adored beauty products since I had my Victoria Plum nail polish and lip balm from Avon as a child. I love beauty products and how they make me feel. The colours and scents. I get so much joy from trying new products and photographing them. I skipped the afternoon one day at school and ended up in a movie. That was unexpected and it fuelled my passion for creativity and how things are made. It was an experience I will never forget. My name was taken by someone in the crew to go in the credits but when I saw the movie I was not on the credits, sadly. I will never forget the joy I got from being in it. Long days from early mornings and late finishes. The photo from the press shoot hangs in my hallway. Julia urged me to hang it up rather than feel ashamed of it. So it’s hanging up in my home for the first time. I am also a Spotify addict thanks to Julia. There are lyrics throughout this introduction, from songs that have helped me. I adore using products from L'Oréal, NYX, Spectrum and many more which we show on our BeautyTies social media pages. I am interested in people's stories and connecting with others. I wanted it to be about more than make-up. As we are more than make-up. We have a story. I want to connect with others and hear their journey through life.
Myself on the set of The Bruce. Explaining to my high school where I was that day was interesting.
Oliver Reed and I on set of The Bruce.
This photograph was for The Bruce press shoot. I was holding Robert The Bruce's real sword. It was so heavy.
Me at The Bruce premiere after show party. I am standing with Lord Elgin, Sandy Welch & Ronnie Browne from The Corries. The Wallace Clan surrounded us.
“I can be all the things you told me not to be. If you try to keep come at me I keep on flourishing.”- Ariana Grande God is a woman
Inner strength
Having come from an abusive relationship and drug rape, I have written and re-written this piece. Why should I feel ashamed because of what my abuser did? I kept quiet for many years. It's important to connect with others who may have been through this and afraid to speak out. I put up with it and people turning a blind eye for their own vanity. That punch on my cheekbone that was so hard I fell backwards. The twisted wrist as I walked out the kitchen passed him. I had to have a bandage on it. Makeup covered the external pain and blotchy face from crying so when people saw me I acted like everything was normal. I want to help others know it isn't acceptable. I wanted to work with Woman’s aid. I donated hundreds of products over the years. When Julia was in college she raised hundreds of pounds for Woman’s Aid in college for International Woman’s day. I was so proud of her. There is an analogy about wolves and sheep. Like people. The sheep follow each other in groups and stay in their crowd huddled up. Do what the next one does. The wolves don’t worry about the opinions of sheep. Where they venture out on their own path, they may not have the same comfort as the sheep but they venture further and keep moving forward. As a teenager I’d be up a tree like an owl, watching everyone pass. The words “stop playing the victim” were continually used because the people I did tell, were incapable of constructing a sentence, to not only show compassion but understanding. So again, I kept quiet. “Stop playing the victim” was used as some odd catchphrase. So I muted myself. They genuinely couldn’t see I was a survivor! So I’m stronger and the abusers wouldn’t win - as they can break my body and mind, but my soul belongs to me. My faith has helped me. My soul is mine to love and laugh again! So if there are any women who think there is no way out, there is. There is happiness albeit in your own time. I listened to music that spoke to me. The lyrics would help me through terrible times and also ideal when you want to feel happy and thriving. A wise woman once told me "what is in the darkness - shall always come into the light. even if that takes time."
When the country went into lockdown in 2020 I wrote in notebooks about my trauma. Counselling services were suspended. That was tough as so much poured out. All the years of keeping feelings inside were now free. PTSD affected me in ways I didn’t expect. I kept smelling cigarettes when someone’s chewing the same gum my abuser chewed. I asked Julia if she was smoking and she told me she wasn’t and showed me the gum she was chewing. I smell cigarettes any time someone is chewing that brand of gum. I remember getting locked in to my flat and he would leave the flat, taking my keys so I was trapped. Writing my feelings down helped cope with my PTSD. After seven months of panic attacks at stupid times of the day, I needed my hair cut as it was so long but the hairdressers were closed. Then after washing my long hair, I realised I used it like a comfort blanket to hide behind. I decided I wanted to be free of it. I took scissors and cut it. I have to stipulate I watched a video on YouTube how to do it first! I felt if it went horribly wrong, nobody would see me anyway. I felt so free and not having to dry it for ages, was a nice feeling! Trauma affects the mind too. I forget things and people from my past. Apparently this is common in people who have survived trauma. I became disabled after the birth of my second child. When I had Julia I got an epidural in the wrong place, then given a second one soon after. I have battled pain in silence. I had Julia to help as a young carer and signed her up to Fife Young Carers where she thrived. So that was a massive change in my life and a struggle to adapt. I did it though. Time hasn't stopped and neither have I. I've learned that having the wrong people in your life impacts it greatly. Coulda shoulda woulda means nothing. I got through it. I got on with it by myself. Being the best parent for Julia came first and foremost. If she was upset, I would make sure her voice was heard. I couldn't ignore my children's voice if they needed support and help. I need crutches to walk when outside. (some bad days, I need them in the house) When Julia was six, I met my now husband, who is an incredible man. I made up a Survivor playlist on Spotify and it's music that has got me through the years or trauma. So if you have been through similar experiences, give it a listen. Music is the voice when we are muted. Making a noise without saying a word. Music has played a large part in my life and getting me through the worst of times. The music I've listened to will hopefully get others through it. BeautyTies Spotify page is linked at the bottom of this page. To the many women i've spoken to over the years, who exchanged their journey with me, I want to say thank you. I see you, I hear you and I believe you.
BeautyTies are on Spotify and I wanted to make this Survivor playlist. Others may get strength from it.
My life has been mainly online for years. I worked with Twitter Insiders which was fascinating for a couple of years. Its been great to connect with others.
“Freedom! Freedom! I can’t move, Freedom cut me loose. I break chains all by myself, won’t let my freedom rot in hell. I’m a keep runnin’ cause a winner don’t quit on themselves.” -Beyoncé Freedom
Year of the Video calls
Bill Gates Virtual Book Tour for his book How To Avoid A Natural Disaster. The book arrived shortly after the viewing. It's fascinating and brutally honest.
"I build a home and wait for someone to tear it down
Then pack it up in boxes, head for the next town running
‘Cause I’ve got memories and travel like gypsies in the night!" - Alice Merton
“We'll rise up
In spite of the ache
We'll rise up
And we'll do it a thousand times again” ~ Andra Day ‘Rise Up.’
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